Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Oh Keanu: My Tribute to The Movies That Deserve More Recognition



What makes a movie good? Was The Departed so amazing because of its direction from Martin Scorcesse or because of the tight performances from Leanardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlberg playing two people who you certainly would not want to fuck with? Is The Godfather known as the greatest movie of all time because of the terrific adaptation from the groundbreaking book? Good movies are normally movies that win Oscars among other awards and receive high critical praise. (Rotten Tomatoes anyone?) The other exception is a huge cult following that sees past the critical bullshit and judges a movie as 'amazing'. (Fight Club, Donnie Darko... The list goes on.)

Now the purpose of this post is not to bash the titles I just mentioned; I love those movies. But I think its time to name some movies that don't fit that category and give them the praise they deserve.


1. Friday- This could go down as my all time favorite comedy if you ask me on the right day. Chris Tucker is hilarious as a pot smoking dealer who has trouble not smoking up his stash that he needs to sell in order to make some profit. Ice Cube is equally good as the slacker Craig who got fired on his day off... yes on his day off. While the majority of the movie is the two sitting on the porch ripping on each other and telling stories it is easily some of the best conversation between to characters on the screen. This did not win any Oscars, or even MTV Awards for that matter but to this day you still hear motherfuckers saying 'You got knocked the fuck out!'. Well this is where that came from; so did almost every other phrase you say with your buddies every day. *Chris Tucker's first movie was easily his best before he met Jackie Chan and became the family friendly whiny bitch he is today. The sequels to this movie were godawful, and that is because of the absence of Smokey.

2.Half Baked- Before you exit and decide this is a list of stupid stoner movies, hold on. This movie has many flaws and it is far from perfect but goddamn its funny. No, it is not on the level of Chappelles own television show that he would later write with same buddy who he penned this movie with, but I dare you not to laugh at this movie whether you smoke or not. The movie is extremely accurate in its portrayal of dumb lovable stoners and whether you smoke or don't smoke you can appreciate the film because I guarantee you the characters remind of people you grew up with. Hands down, the funniest scene for me is when the kindergarten teacher is feeding the horse and says 'You like that food girl?' and the fat black chick walks by and says 'Fuck you nigga.' Hilarious.

3. Club Dread- People rave about Broken Lizard's efforts when they refer to Beerfest and Super Troopers but this is my personal favorite. (Beerfest was very funny, but Super Troopers might be the most overrated comedy ever.) It parodies horror movies but much more intelligently than say Scary Movie; it is satirical in the sense it sets up similar clique situations but with awesome characters. Brittany Daniel is hot as fuck, and every character is downright hysterical in their portrayal of goofy island resort workers. Some scenes are shockingly violent and gruesome for a comedy; I think that makes it even better. Don't miss this one, Bill Paxton as a Jimmy Buffet rip-off is pretty fuckin' sweet.

4. Constatine- Okay, we all rip on Keanu Reeves for his delivery in basically any movie he ever starred in. But tell me this, name five Keanu movies you weren't entertained by. Personally, I think I like every movie I ever saw him in. Constatine is an awesome movie. Its dark, mean, and stupid; exactly what movies like Spiderman and Fantastic Four aren't and should be. While Batman Begins is clearly the best superhero movie of all time, Constatine is my second favorite. It doesn't take itself seriously, the action is great, Keanu's character is the lovable asshole that everyone likes to root for, and the relgious storyline is pretty cool. The opening with the possession is great and overall I think it is a totally overlooked movie.

5. Grandma's Boy- Dumb, stupid, and awesome. I really enjoyed it. That's all I can really say, if you grew up on the Adam Sandler movies and always liked his crew here they are years later partying and playing video games. Very funny movie.
6. Rambo- I went to go see Rambo expecting an awful movie with my buddies. I thought it would be terrible dialog, terrible story, terrible action, and a lot of laughs. Well, there was no story, dialog, or laughs. This was without a doubt the most violent, gruesome, disgusting, gory movie I've ever seen. The action was COMPLETELY realistic and disturbing. We were not laughing at children being shot up everywhere but I was amazed at how fucked up it was. Anyway, I thought Stallone killing all those Burmese faggots was pretty fucking great and I'd definitely watch this shitty awesome movie again.

7. Bad Boys II- Michael Bay really likes to blow things up and he gets ripped apart for it. He should. He's made some fucking stupid movies. But I LOVE this movie. Will Smith is funny as always, but Martin Lawrence actually makes me laugh in this movie. Yes, I said it. Martin Lawrence and funny are often paired together at the same rate as Magic Johnson and condom but I mean this is one of the best movies ever. The action and comedy never die down. What other movie has Miami Police invade Cuba with rocket launchers and hummers? Pretty damn good movie. You can throw Transformers on this list too, I loved that movie.


AND NOW FOR THE GREATEST MOVIE THAT NEVER GETS THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES...


7. POINT BREAK- Okay, so right away its tough to argue that a movie starring Keanu Reeves, Patrick Swayze, and Gary Busey is one of the greatest action movies ever made. But here's whats really fucked up... it is. Keanu Reeves plays Johnny Utah, an undercover FBI agent who is trying to fit in with a group of surfers who rob banks in dead president masks. If that's not ridiculous enough, the group is lead by a shaggy haired California-esque Swayze who is attracted to Keanu (no homo) for his... well... balls?(no homo... again) But seriously, from the start the movie is so entertaining and intriguing. The action scenes are some of the best ever too. Although there are times where you think to youself 'that is so unreal', you leave the movie pumped and excited. I love this movie to death and will always defend it. "Life sure has a sick sense of humor, doesnt it?" By the way, the badass ending is gold.

What REALLY pisses me off is The Fast and the Furious. I once liked that movie, but then I realized that it is literally the SAME exact plot as Point Break. Substitute cars for surfboards. Swayze for Diesel. Keanu for Walker. You got a movie. The love interest, the dead crew members, the cops, the ENDING even. What a great movie for Rob Cohen to rip-off though. At least he knows whats good.

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